Last year Lifeway Christian Resources conducted a survey which polled more than 2,000 people across the country to identify the top ten issues facing today's family. The survey discovered that the top issue facing families today is the anti-Christian culture we live in. The other nine issues include divorce, busyness, absent father figure, lack of discipline, financial pressures, lack of communication, negative media influences, balance of work and family, and materialism.

So much pressure facing today's family makes our current Sunday morning studies extremely timely and strategic. A healthy marriage will strengthen your family and help protect you as you face these top issues.

We're talking about "Love after Marriage." One key verse serves as the foundational truth for these messages. "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Two words can save your marriage: love and respect. Husband, love your wife. Wife, respect your husband.

We have talked about how couples live on the crazy cycle. Without love, she reacts. Without respect, he reacts. One of the ways we can get off the crazy cycle is to understand that men and women view the world in different ways. Women see pink and hear pink. Men see blue and hear blue. That's how God wired us from the beginning of creation.

Last week we focused on how husbands can fulfill the biblical mandate to agape love their wives. How do you spell "love"? You spell love "c-o-u-p-l-e." Using "couple" as an acrostic, we identified three key words that describe the yearning of most women: closeness, openness, and understanding. Today, we will look at the remaining three words. Next week I will talk to women and do a two-part message on how wives can show respect for their husbands.

The "P" stands for peacemaking. This need in women actually influences the other three we talked about last week. Women want to feel connected in the relationship. If there is a rift or a conflict, she can't feel connected. In fact, without peace, she doesn't feel close, she doesn't feel you're being open, and she thinks you don't understand.

All marriages have conflict. But with every conflict there is also risk. If handled properly, the fire can be controlled. But if you don't handle it properly, it could burn your house down. As you work through conflict, the marriage is strengthened.

Usually your wife will know there is conflict before you do. She will move toward you to resolve it. It might not be pretty, but she really wants to resolve it because the value of peace in the relationship is very precious to her. Don't refuse to make peace by running from a conflict.

The Apostle Paul indicated that those who marry will certainly have trouble. In the preceding verses he identified some of the problems in marriage. "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:3-4). Some people in the Corinthian church believed that it was godly to abstain from sex in marriage. Paul refuted this idea by stressing that the sexual relationship is a safeguard from falling into adultery.

What he says in verse 4, however, is kind of strange. The wife's body belongs to the husband. The husband's body belongs to the wife. What did he mean? I believe he is stating a principle that men and women equally have needs, but those needs differ from the other. He challenges couples to work out their differences as partners and not independently. It's like God is saying, "I'm going to allow some conflict in your marriage so you can grow deeper.

A man, speaking to his counselor, said, "Every time my wife and I have an argument she gets historical." The counselor responded, "Did you mean to say your wife gets hysterical?" "No, she gets historical. She brings up everything from the past."

Men, have you noticed how women have amazing memories. They can remember who said what when, where it was said, how it was said, and what the people were wearing who said it. Your wife may bring up something you thought (and hoped) was buried and gone. She wants to clear the air so that there can be peace. You may have thought things were already peaceful. But resolving the issue is one primary way she feels loved in the relationship.

Can I give you a hint, men? Don't say, "Let's just drop it." With her integrated personality, your wife can't just drop it. If she gets historical with you, it's because she is trying to reconcile with you and bring peace. If you say, "Let's drop it," she interprets that as you are secretly angry with her. And if the issue is not resolved, she can't be happy.

Some of the most important words you can say to her are, "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" Those words are difficult for men to say. Even if you think most of the guilt is in her corner, the percentage of guilt is not the issue. Love and respect is the issue. When you are willing to humbly express sorrow, she melts. Know that communicating in a loving demeanor is a powerful means of bringing peace to a conflict. The Bible says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

It is ironic how many men will spend countless hours in the gym lifting weights. They want to look like Mr. Universe. Why? They think that a hard body is what will turn on the women. They think it will turn on the women like a woman in a bikini turns on men. However, what turns on most women is your personality, not your body. And especially the words, "I'm sorry," speak volumes to your wife because she's looking for connectivity.

The "L" stands for loyalty. Although loyalty covers a lot of territory, basically, what I'm trying to communicate is that your wife needs constant assurance that you love her. How much do you love me? What if I'm old and gray? What if I'm an invalid? What if I have Alzheimer's? These are questions from someone who needs assurance.

The words "I love you" are spoken around our house a lot. But I can tell you that one of Anita's common follow-up questions is "Are you sure?" Last Monday that happened twice. So I said, "Anita, that's twice today you've asked me if I was sure. You know I'm sure." But I didn't brush it off. I went over to her, gave her a big hug, and assured her of my love.

We men often like to kid around with questions like these. I'm afraid I'm going to have to trade you. I think I'll keep you at least for a little while. As much as you think those comments are funny, your wife doesn't think so. When she asks those questions, she isn't looking for information. She wants reassurance.

Have you pondered how difficult it must be for a wife in today's desperate housewives, swimsuit issue, and pornography-filled world? We could learn a lot from Job, who even in his day several thousand years ago, understood the impact that his actions had on his spiritual life and in his relationship with his wife. He said, "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl….Is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?" (Job 31:1, 3).

When a wife senses that her husband has made a covenant with God and made Jesus the Lord every area of his life, she is assured of his love and loyalty. Such reassurance energizes her. It communicates to her that "till death do us part" is a serious commitment for you.

Wearing your wedding band every day is a symbol of loyalty and reassures her. Men, if you aren't wearing your ring, why not? I lost it. Then buy another one. It won't fit anymore. The get it re-sized. With my job it's hard to wear a ring. Then put it on after work.

Robertson McQuilkin, retired President of Columbia International University, represents the kind of loyalty I'm talking about. His wife Muriel was the love of his life. She was the model wife for a college and seminary President. When her Alzheimer's progressed to the point that she needed constant care, McQuilkin resigned from the presidency in order to care for his ailing wife. For him, the decision wasn't difficult because he had made a commitment more than 40 years ago to love her until death separated them. Muriel passed away a couple of years ago. He writes of this experience in his book A Promise Kept. McQuilkin's example has prompted many couples to renew their vows to one another.

Let's review how men can love their wives: closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, and loyalty. Now for the sixth one. The letter "E" stands for esteem. She wants you to honor her and cherish her.

Men, on a scale of 1 to 10, how effective is your prayer life? On a scale of 1 to 10, how are you treating your wife? Did you know those two questions are deeply connected? The Bible says, "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard" (1 Peter 3:7). In other words, if you paid more attention to honoring your wife and encouraging her, your prayer life would show drastic improvement.

The book of Proverbs illustrates what I'm talking about. Notice the esteem given to the wife/mother. "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all'" (Proverbs 31:28-29). God created women in such a way that they want to be honored and esteemed. The way to esteem her is to treasure her.

Ephesians 5 depicts the husband as a Christ-figure. Christ died for the church. God has placed within the man the call to provide for and protect his wife. In the biblical view the wife does not feel called to die for her husband as much as the husband is called to die for her. She doesn't want to be in charge of the relationship, but she does long to be first in importance to you. She wants to know that she is on your mind and heart first and foremost. She needs to feel that she is the most loved woman on earth. When she receives that kind of esteem from you, she will be motivated to give you respect, which is your mother tongue.

One of the best ways to honor your wife is to remember those significant days like birthdays and wedding anniversaries. Birthdays are a big deal to them. They are the ones who have babies. For nine months she is asked, "When is the baby due?" In her mind, who could ever forget a birthday?

In the same way the wedding date is forever etched in her mind. I remind you of the pink-blue reality. From the time she was a child, she played dress up and sang, "Here Comes the Bride." Your wife is much more apt to keep pulling the wedding album out and to show friends. They will remark about hairdos back then, the dresses, etc. Men, on the other hand, most likely never played dress up unless it was dressing up as a GI Joe or a baseball player. When is the last time you heard a guy say, "Let's look in the album and see what the wedding tuxedos looked like"?

Concerning gifts, the thought behind the gift is actually important to the wife. She wants to know what you were thinking that prompted you to pick out a certain item as a gift. Make a big deal out of birthdays and anniversaries. Anita and I celebrate our 30th anniversary this summer. For more than a year we've said we were going to go to Hawaii. Neither of us has been. With two boys in college we have been back and forth on whether we could afford it. But we're going. With frequent flier miles and Marriott Rewards and dipping into some savings, we're going. I'm telling you—she is worth it.

There's a lot more I wish I had time to cover. But I need to close. Men, God says, "Love your wife." How? Closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty, and esteem. But let me remind every man and every woman here—to become the husband or wife God designed you to be requires that you make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life. As you yield to Him, He will give you all you need to love your wife and to respect your husband.