Well, today we wrap up the series of messages that we have called "Love after Marriage." We've looked at God's Word, we've talked to husbands, we've talked to wives, and we've talked to both. And we've had fun doing it. A number have asked about tapes of the messages. They are available; and we'll try to put them in set form as well.

I want to give credit to Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect, because much of this sermon material has been adapted from his book. It's an excellent read that I recommend highly.

Today I want to pull all the previous messages together and challenge every husband and every wife to do whatever it takes to assure that your love for each other will last a lifetime. The key ingredient for success I believe is found in the focal verse we have been studying for six weeks. "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). As the husband loves his wife with C-O-U-P-L-E, the acrostic for closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty, and esteem, and as the wife respects her husband with C-H-A-I-R-S, the acrostic for conquest, hierarchy, authority, insight, relationships, and sexuality, they cannot help but meet one another's needs.

The beauty of the love and respect process is that if you meet a need in your spouse, the blessing will return to you as your spouse meets one of your needs. His unconditional love for his wife mirrors Christ's love for the Church. Her unconditional respect for her husband is like the Church's reverence for Christ.

We've talked a whole lot about love and respect, two words that can save your marriage. But what if he doesn't show you love when you show him respect? Or what if she doesn't show you respect when you show her love? If you're not seeing any results, then why bother? These are legitimate questions, which lead me to ask the ultimate question for marriage. Here it is: Will you be obedient to God no matter what? When you're trying to build a marriage and your spouse is not responding, that is a tremendous challenge to your faith. Will you keep on being obedient to God regardless?

I'm going to break down my message today into several key components. These aren't necessarily six things you must do or six truths to remember. They simply represent some concluding thoughts I want you to consider as we wrap up this series.

First, don't ever give up on your marriage. Even if what I've been teaching you is not working, don't give up. Keep showing unconditional love and unconditional respect. Look for even the smallest of victories. Patience and persistence are musts. Don't force the issues. It is the Holy Spirit who must do the convicting. Weeks and months may pass by, and it seems nothing is working. Don't interpret those delays as defeat.

But again, there comes a point when you wonder, this love/respect process is simply not working and evidently is never going to work. The worst fear for the man is to love his wife unconditionally, but she becomes more disrespectful than ever. The worst fear for the wife is that she provides her husband with unconditional respect, and he is more unloving than ever. What then?

Jesus Himself once said to His disciples, "A man's enemies will be the members of his own household" (Matthew 10:36). When you love or respect unconditionally, I want to remind you that you are following God's will. In the midst of this crisis of faith, you are being obedient to him. You are trusting Christ in the face of an unloving husband or a disrespectful wife.

Second, God will reward you for your unconditional love and respect. Listen to these words from the Bible and apply them to your marriage. "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does" (Ephesians 6:7-8). Whatever we do as for the Lord, we will receive back from the Lord. In marriage everything we do counts, even if your spouse ignores your efforts. What you do matters to God. Nothing is wasted.

Don't miss what I'm about to say. Ultimately, when you love/respect unconditionally, you should be doing this first and foremost out of obedience to Christ. Jesus is preparing you for heaven. Recall the story Jesus told about the master calling for his servants to give account. The master (God) said, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" (Matthew 25:21).

The Master is watching every move you make to act in loving ways to your wife. He's watching every attempt you make to show respect to your husband. When you get to heaven, He will say, "Well, done. You put on love toward your disrespectful wife." "Well done, I took notice of all the efforts you gave to show respect to your ungrateful husband. You will receive back from me every act of love and respect." When you make the decision to love/respect unconditionally, the dividends will be without end. You may think that it makes no sense to keep loving or keep respecting. But it makes sense to God. The Lord is keeping track.

Third, the true crisis is a crisis of faith. About one half of marriages end in divorce. And probably in at least half of existing marriages, the couple does just that—exists. But actually we're not talking about a marriage crisis. We're talking about a crisis of faith. Will I or will I not do what Jesus wants me to do. You can't really love or respect unless you do it as unto the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Bible says, "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again" (Proverbs 24:16). This verse reflects the difference between successful marriages and unsuccessful ones. The successful ones have struggles, but they get up and keep dealing with the issues until they are resolved.

As you love your wife or respect your husband, your faith will be strengthened because by doing so, you are demonstrating love for Christ. Whatever you do for your spouse, you are actually rendering service to Christ. If you don't love your wife unconditionally, then you don't love Christ. If you don't respect your husband unconditionally, then you don't respect Christ. Your love and respect for your spouse reveals your love and respect for Jesus.

So in the ultimate sense your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ. You practice love and respect because you look beyond the present to see yourself standing before the God who will call you to give an account of how well you did.

Fourth, God's rewards are also in the present. When you faithfully try to demonstrate unconditional love and respect, God will place in you a genuine inner freedom in Christ. That freedom will overflow. Your children will see it. Others around you will see it. The rewards you receive here and now will help you cope with the challenge of having an unresponsive husband or wife. The Bible says, "But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God" (1 Peter 2:20).

When you suffer for doing what is right, that finds favor with God. He is pleased. This promise certainly applies to marriage. You live under the favor of God when you diligently show unconditional love to a disrespectful wife. You live under the favor of God when you diligently show unconditional respect to an unloving husband. The key is unconditional.

Fifth, how you respond to your spouse is your responsibility. Anita doesn't cause me to be the way I am. She reveals the way I am. If I react to her in a way that is unloving, she's not to blame, no matter what she said or did that prompted my response. If I act in an unloving way, it reveals that I have some issues. There is a lack of love in my character and in my soul. Maybe the issue is 70 percent her fault and 30 percent mine. The point is what am I going to do about my 30 percent? No matter how depressing, hateful, or irritating your spouse might be, your response is your responsibility.

You always have a choice when your spouse puts heat on you. You can react in a godly way or in a sinful way. Again, this goes back to the ultimate marriage question. Will I be obedient to Christ no matter what? The other choice is to play the blame game. But that's not the answer because playing the blame game you become the victim. You will miss out on the rewards and blessings of God if you play that game.

What I'm saying is tough and hopefully an eye-opener for many. Even though your spouse is being difficult, hateful, or full of contempt, Jesus can help you be dignified and loving. No matter how hard it might be, you cannot blame your negative reactions on your spouse. When you respond with a critical spirit or fight back in unloving or disrespectful ways, just know that is a choice you made, and a poor choice at that.

When you learn to love and respect unconditionally, God gives you an inner freedom that will see you through the difficulties of your relationship with your spouse. By choosing to love and respect, you're choosing this freedom. The Bible says, "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers…" (1 Peter 2:16-17). Showing love and respect is your responsibility. Remembering that your spouse is a precious creation of God, made in His image, and bought with the blood of Jesus Christ should help you to love and respect him/her unconditionally.

Sixth, your love and respect leave a legacy. How you love your wife and how you respect your husband do not go unnoticed by your children. What kind of legacy are you leaving? I know you want your children to grow up, get married and demonstrate love and respect with their life partner. But if you're not modeling it, then how will they get it?

A husband provides a good example for his children when he unconditionally loves their mother. A wife provides a godly example for her children when she unconditionally respects their father.

What will your children say about you after your funeral? "Dad was pretty tough to live with, but Mom stood by him and respected him all the way to the end." "I know Mom carried a lot of anger inside, but Dad kept on loving her." Wouldn't it be great if after your funeral, your children could say about both of you: "I hope my marriage will be just as healthy as theirs"?

There is tremendous supernatural power in the love and respect process. I believe that an unconditional love for your wife out of obedience to Christ will win her over. I believe that an unconditional respect for your husband of obedience to Christ will win him over. Marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ. And you will be tested. The ultimate question remains, "Will you be obedient to God no matter what?"

I hope these messages have helped you understand better how you can keep love thriving after marriage. Engaging in this study I know has motivated me to do a better job of loving Anita unconditionally.

But, you know, my goal in this series has not been to improve your marriage as much as to urge you to glorify God and obey what He teaches in His Word. When you're willing to be obedient, then your marriage will be okay. When you're obedient, you will unconditionally love your wife. When you're obedient, you will unconditionally respect your husband.

Let's look one more time at the key verse we've studied now for six weeks. Except this time let's read the couple of verses before it. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:31-33).

Verse 32 talks about the "one flesh" union between a husband and wife being a "profound mystery." How can two people become one? That is a mystery. But the final verse, our key verse, provides us with the answer. The husband and wife grow in their oneness as they live out the love-respect process. Living out those two words can save your marriage. Living out those two words guarantees that love will thrive after marriage. So the ultimate question for your marriage is: Will I be obedient to Christ and love my wife unconditionally? Will I be obedient to Christ and respect my husband unconditionally?