Today we continue our series of studies called "Family Matters." Last week we talked about how marriage is much like building a house. You must have the foundation of commitment, the bricks of communication, and the mortar of Christ who causes all the bricks to hold together.

How do you spell marriage? Do you remember? W-O-R-K. One husband, struggling to be the leader of his home, during his breaks at work finished reading a book called Man of the House. That evening he stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife, pointed his finger in her face, and said, "From now on I want you to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife, without skipping a beat, responded, "The funeral director is my guess."

Today we're going to talk about how to kill a marriage. The video did a pretty good job of describing one way to kill a marriage. So did the story I just told. Most of the time in sermons we hear about the positive things that make a strong marriage. But I want to approach healthy marriages today from a different angle by talking about some things that will kill your marriage.

In geological terms, you know what a "fault" is, don't you? A fault is a break in the earth's crust along which movement can take place causing an earthquake. Sudden movement of rock beneath the earth's surface may cause the earth to shake. Rocks respond to stress (squeezed or pulled apart) near the Earth's surface by breaking. When the rocks move along either side of a fracture, it is called a fault.

In 1886, a 7.6 magnitude earthquake hit Charleston, just a hundred miles down the road. The quake killed sixty people and scores of brick and masonry buildings crumbled to the ground. The quake could be felt 200 miles away. Just a couple of years ago, February 18, 2005, a 2.9 quake hit in the Columbia area. So there are fault lines in our state. Most are clustered in the low state in the Charleston area.

There are some things that happen in a marriage that will most likely create fault lines. And once those fault lines are created, the integrity of the marriage is compromised. And the chances of a marital earthquake increase significantly. These fault lines can kill a marriage.

We all know how commonplace divorce has become in our society. And, yes, the fault lines appear right here in the Bible belt of South Carolina. Last week's The State Newspaper ran a report that indicated divorce rates are decreasing. The report may offer some hope that marriages are becoming more stable. But experts believe one of the reasons for the decrease in divorce rates is due to the fact that more and more people are not marrying. They're just living together.

You would think that the divorce rates would be lower among Christian couples. But George Barna, in a study that has been widely reported, showed that there is little to no difference in divorce rates between Christian couples and those who do not profess Christ. When troubles hit a marriage, instead of working on the relationship, the couple will simply bail out. They have bought into a culture that changes "till death to us part" to "till whatever do us part." Incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, falling out of love, no longer any feelings for the mate, he's not the same man I married, and the list goes on and on. Till whatever do us part.

Soon after teaching in Galilee for a season, Jesus traveled into Judea where large crowds followed Him. Some of the Pharisees, the legalistic religious leaders of the day, tried to trick Jesus with a question about marriage and divorce. Let's read what happened. [Read Matthew 19:1-6.]

Experts in the law are great in finding loopholes. And if they can't find loopholes, they organize lobbyists in state houses to tack their wish lists onto existing bills being debated so they can have new loopholes. These religious leaders were highly skilled at manipulating the Law of Moses. They would make our legislators look like amateurs.

One legal area they loved manipulating was that of marriage. The law codes on marriage came nowhere close to God's original statement on marriage. The Pharisees, in their male-dominated world added situation after situation in which it was acceptable for a husband to write his wife a certificate of divorce. Of course, the wife did not have such luxuries at her disposal.

Verse 3 represents the heart of the controversy that the Pharisees had hoped to entangle Jesus in. Can a man divorce his wife "for any and every reason"? There were two camps of opinion on when divorce was acceptable. There was the school of Shammai which held to the strict view that a marriage could legally break up only in the case of adultery or perhaps a few other extreme situations. Then there was the school of Hillel, which interpreted marriage vows much more loosely. Hillel extended the justifiable reasons for divorce to include not just sin but all kinds of real or imagined offenses. Seriously—an improperly cooked meal—grounds for divorce. A man sees a prettier woman—he could write his wife a certificate of divorce.

How did Jesus respond? He cut through the chase of all the popular views of the day and went back to God's plan at the beginning of time—one man, one woman, committed to each other for life. He stressed that in marriage God brings a man and a woman together (not a man and a man or a woman and a woman) and makes them into one flesh. Then He added the warning not to let anything or anyone come between a husband and wife that would create a fault line.

Although Jesus never married or had children (I don't care what The Da Vinci Code said), He was a champion for the family. He believed marriage should be a meaningful, lasting relationship between a man and a woman. He believed in "till death do us part," not "till whatever do us part." By and large our culture today has adopted the Hillel school of marriage and divorce—whatever comes up that doesn't satisfy we'll just call it quits. Evidently, Christians have adopted the same philosophy since there is no marked difference between believers and non-Christians.

So, if you want to join the Hillel school, let me share briefly just a few ways to establish some fault lines that may eventually kill your marriage. First of all, develop a close relationship with someone from the opposite sex. After all, it's all innocent. Hang out in your secretary's office a little more each day. Let her know how nice she looks and how you appreciate the fact that she listens to you.

Women, wear your skirts just a little higher and your blouses a little lower. Flirt a little. It's harmless. You just want to test the waters a little bit to see if you still have it. Verbally affirm him. He loves that.

Listen to me. If you are married, you've got no business whatsoever going deeper than sports and weather talk with someone of the opposite sex. And as a Christian it is up to you to set the boundaries. It is beyond me how some employers force their employees into compromising situations. They will put a man and his female work associate onto a plane and fly them to Las Vegas for a three-day meeting and think nothing about it. Some of you would do well to get prayed up and approach your boss and say, "I can't do this anymore. If you can't work with me on this, I'll need to find different employment."

How many of you are married? How many of you when you said "I do," were thinking to yourself, "Down the road I'm going to have an affair?" Of course, you weren't thinking that. But how do you think affairs begin? They begin when you compromise your boundaries. When you compromise your boundaries, a fault appears that puts your marriage on shaky grounds.

Many Christians argue their case on spiritual grounds. A woman says, "He's a spiritual leader in the church. I want to seek some counsel from him and get him to pray with me." Or a man says, "She's a solid Christian. I really like being around her. I think I'll see if she wants to get a cup of coffee and just develop a friendship." Men, unless you want a fault line to show up in your marriage, you better get some other men (not women) in your life that will hold you accountable. Women, you need spiritual mentors in your life that are women. If you're married, don't you ever go to a man (unless he is a professional counselor/pastor) to talk about your personal struggles in your marriage.

Here's a second way to kill your marriage. Stop dating. Just hang out at the house every night. Take care of the kids. You can't afford a babysitter anyway. And there's so much yard work and housecleaning to do. You do your thing. And let him do his thing. Anyway, there's nothing on the big screen you want to see. And eating out is so expensive. You've been in the marital rut for some time. No need to try to make any changes now.

I love Anita's attitude. On Tuesday morning she was sitting at the table drinking her coffee and reading the newspaper. I said, "Honey, it will just be the two of us tonight. Do you want to finish off the leftover lasagna?" She responded, "Why would we want to do that? If the kids are gone, let's go out and get something."

Make it a habit every week to go out and do something with your marriage partner. I know date nights can get pretty expensive. But with a little creativity they don't have to be. And when you go out, don't engage in any activity that will compromise your Christian witness because that will create additional fault lines.

There are so many more ways to kill a marriage. I wish I had time to describe a bunch more like: spend a bunch of money without the approval of your partner, allow your children to play one parent against the other, openly criticize the other every day, compare your partner in a negative way to someone who does something better. "Sam sends his wife flowers." "Mary doesn't mind if her husband goes fishing." And bunches and bunches more.

However, there is one I want to talk about. One more way to create a fault line and kill a marriage. Minimize the role of God in your marriage. Put Him on a back burner. Just call on Him during times of crisis. You don't want to get too serious with this God stuff. Show up for church occasionally to ease your conscience and to show that you're a good American. And when you get back in your car, see how many things about the church you can criticize.

What role does the Lord play in your marriage? I didn't ask you how many times you attend church each year. I asked you what role the Lord plays in your marriage. Let me close with a verse that I challenge you to use as a measuring stick for your marriage. "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain" (Psalm 127:1).

To what extent do you allow the Lord to build your house? Is He the Lord of your home, the Lord of your marriage? Unless you let the Lord oversee your marriage, you will never be completely fulfilled in your relationship to your mate.

Family matters. Your family matters to God. Your marriage matters to God. If the God-factor is missing at all, then you're missing out on the best of blessings. And without God you're establishing some pretty serious fault lines that may eventually lead to a relationship earthquake. Don't let that happen.

The best way to kill a marriage is to exclude God. The best way to build a marriage is to include God. The best thing you could do this very day is to commit or recommit your life to Jesus Christ. Let Him become your master, the one who calls the shots in your life. Say to Him today, "Lord, my marriage is worth saving and fighting for. I want you to build my marriage. And I'm willing to do it your way."